Convo #2: Molly Nourmand
Support for the mother who supports others
Molly Nourmand is a Los Angeles based psychotherapist, founder of Life After Birth® and mother of one. I joined one of her postpartum support circles when my first daughter was five weeks old and am still grateful for the supportive space she created - which would have been impossible unless she herself was supported.
Who are you other than a mom? What do you do for work, what do you do for pleasure?
I am a psychotherapist who specializes in perinatal mental health. I have a private practice where I do 1:1 sessions. I’m also the Founder and CEO of Life After Birth® We provide mental health + wellness services for pregnancy, postpartum + parenting. Currently we offer virtual support circles led by perinatal mental health professionals (I am one of them), 1:1 and couples therapy sessions led by my Associate, and ancillary services: lactation and nutrition consultation, and meditation and movement from a collaborative team.
I love spending time with my friends! I draw a lot of nourishment from them. Whether we are working out, sharing a meal or sipping coffee or wine together.
What’s your current childcare set up?
I have one daughter, Bijou, who is in kindergarten, and I have a nanny who helps in the afternoons and evenings four days per week. She helps with light housework, school pickups, schlepping my daughter to after school activities, and supporting me with meal prep and bathtime. If my husband and I go out in the evening, then she will stay longer.
What about it is working, and what isn’t?
It works great during the week (unless one of us gets sick). Weekends are draining because they tend to be filled with kids' birthday parties, adult social events, my Bijou’s weekend activities, etc. However, we have a housekeeper who cleans our home on Saturdays. And because I’m able to make my own schedule, I use Mondays as a day to recover from the weekend, do some self care (e.g. acupuncture), get organized for the week, and do some personal and work admin. I see clients and run groups Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Then I use Fridays to tie up loose ends personally and professionally, as well as do some more self care. Then brace my highly sensitive, introverted self for an overstimulating weekend.
What childcare model did you grow up with?
My mom was a “stay-at-home” mom, and I now call her a stay-at-home grandmother. When my sister and I were kids, my mom would get a babysitter if she and my dad went out. My parents are traditional (she did all the housework and majority of the childrearing; and my dad went to a 9-5 job and is the financial provider). Since my mom and I are different types of mothers, I definitely feel some guilt since I’m a “working mom,” and I’m not as involved as she was (e.g. she was the PTA president at my elementary school!). That said, I have acceptance around who I am, and I feel so much more mentally stable having the support of a nanny and housekeeper.
Have you looked to other mothers as a guide when making these decisions?
Most of my friends do paid work, and some are the breadwinner for their family. They are great soundboards. One of them said something that is now a voice in my head and I often share with my clients, “When you are feeling guilty, you’re probably taking care of yourself.”
What would your ideal work & childcare arrangement look like?
I would be a good candidate for live-in support–either an au pair or multi-generational living with my side of the family. Also, I love the idea of a commune, or at least living near some of my closest mom friends.
Is there one caregiver in particular that has meant a lot to your family? Can you write a tribute to them?
There are two! Lauren appeared around 6 weeks after Bijou was born. I had birth complications and subsequent Postpartum Depression, so I was in pretty bad shape. She was a ray of light for me. I hired her the same day I interviewed her. She was like a second mom to Bijou. She stayed with our family until my daughter started preschool when she was 2 ½ years old. Her school was 8am-3pm Monday - Friday (which was a godsend) so I didn’t think I really needed a nanny. Plus Lauren had followed the nudge I gave her to become a doula, so I wanted to support her in that new career path. I was devastated when she left though.
Unfortunately during the early months of the pandemic, we did not have childcare. This was a nightmare which unfortunately too many parents can relate to. Then in the summer of 2021, along came Meverlin, who is still with us. She is a steady, calm, grounded presence in my life–definitely the MVP of our family.
I don’t know what I would have done without Lauren or Meverlin…
Molly’s practice is currently full and her groups are waitlisted; she’d like to recommend her Associate Rebecca, who she’s trained:
Rebecca Stevens, Registered Associate MFT is a Life After Birth® trained therapist. She works with pregnant and postpartum individuals and couples, as well as facilitates support circles. Currently, Rebecca is accepting new clients and has some openings in her postpartum support circle on Thursdays at 4pm via Zoom. In addition, she will be starting a new virtual postpartum group on Thursday, May 4th at 1:30pm (new + expectant parents can pre-register here). Feel free to set up a complimentary consultation with Rebecca to learn more about her offerings.